I'm at this stage is it worth it? Yes for my kids it is.
What do I want out of this? I want to be a better man. I would like to think I have become that.
Though I kind of feel like it is a flesh wound and I will keep on. Like in the Monty Python sketch I keep dusting my self off and engaging in this dance with my w. My w seems to be done but can't or won't take the final steps. It would be nice to served papers so I know where I stand. I understand it is not good to take the temperature of our R. I would like to see an action. I had a good conversation with a priest last night. After I described my story to him. He said that I have been in a holding pattern delaying what my w wants. I corrected him I said my w was free to go. I have not prevented my w from leaving. I will not keep my kids from my w. We had a good conversation that I have joined the Catholic family services - living with Divorce and Separation. I start on Thursday night. I will be sitting around with other people in our same predicament.
H 37 W 38 M 11 T 18 D 4 S 10 Bomb 27/11/2010 Separated still living in the same house 1/1/2012 No D Papers No Separation Papers
I had a conversation with my w last night. It was odd. It came out of nowhere.At the beginning of the night My w was agitated with me when she came home. I left her alone. I ignored a few of my wife's jabs. my w mentioned MIL in passing. I mention to my w that MIL is not feeling well. My w snapped You should know why? I did not answer the comment. I said I don't know what you want me to say to that? I know my w was implying that the stress of our R is affecting MIL. My w said never mind. I left her alone and went downstairs to watch tv.
My kids were loud and and shouting and screaming. I came upstairs my w was sitting on the coach and my d and s were fighting and wrestling at my w feet. I have been trying to contain my kids aggression her my w seemed to be encouraging it as she was smiling and laughing at the ruckus. I stopped my d as she was grabbing my s hair and was trying to hurt him. My w said that they were playing. I tried to explain to my w that it is no a good thing for the kids to do this. Both my d and s have had issues in the last month lashing out and using violence to get their way. I have tried to contain it, but it seems my w is encouraging it.
After the kids went to bed My w shocked me and wanted to talk. No anger in her voice. My w said that she did not want to fight. She is tired of this. I agreed with her and said I 'm exhausted. My w said that I can talk with her. I said I still don't think I can talk with you right now. I I have been hurt by alot of the things you have said to me. My w said that was the only way I could get through to you. My w said I know you love the kids, Just as she does. I told my w that I don't want to ever keep the kids for my w as I see how much they love u. My w then started talking about house reno stuff that she had planned starting tomorrow. My w wanted me to know. I said thanks for the info. Better late then never. I said no problem.
My w hung around and still wanted to talk. My w just sat and stared at me. I felt very uncomfortable told her this. My w started to talk to me. My w wanted to know why I was going out tonight. I told her that I have joined a catholic family services group and I need to meet with the priest today. My w's face was shocked. My w seemed to question and asked me what my motive was for this. I said it is for my kids I want to lessen their aggression. I also need it to deal with life with out you. My w seemed to get agitated and stated that I should go to this greek orthodox priest. I said I need to do this for me and the kids. My w said that she was thinking of going to this greek priest. I said that it is up to you. My w seemed to hang around staring at me. My w then stated that she knows that I want whats best for the kids. My w said that she was tired. I said good night and sweet dreams. My w kind of lingered. It felt like an eternity. But she finally stated good night and went to bed.
H 37 W 38 M 11 T 18 D 4 S 10 Bomb 27/11/2010 Separated still living in the same house 1/1/2012 No D Papers No Separation Papers
HT, are you and our your W greek orthodox? My experience, unless that's changed, is it is very old testament...
Good stuff of course, but a lot of fire and brimstone stuff that for non-initiates, can be quite harsh and overwhelming...
I'm RC though, so not far off. Our church and RC in general has moved to a more new testament position over the last 30 years or so. Much more tolerance...
Anyhow, just saying and asking...
As far as the kids aggression, and rough play including things like pulling hair... yeah... not so good... IMHO...
KD I am Metis(cree and Canadian/English). I was baptized greek orthodox like in the movie my big fat greek wedding. I understand greek but not enough to converse. I was directed to this group by colleague at my work. I'm not changing denominations. The services are more readily available in english for RC. Ortho not so much. I am looking out for my kids first. I will go to who ever. Ortho is not all macabre. It is the Icons(pictures) that give that feel. My w is usually very level headed...just not since the bomb was dropped.
H 37 W 38 M 11 T 18 D 4 S 10 Bomb 27/11/2010 Separated still living in the same house 1/1/2012 No D Papers No Separation Papers
metis, eh? I always used to think metis were francaphone, but then I guess in Manitoba we've got a lot of scotts aboriginal as well who would be metis. I think my cousin(s) are ojibwa one treaty and I guess the other Metis (Dad is white; german/hungarian) and I hate to say while my eldest daughter is treaty... I don't remember the tribe... Eastern Saskatchewan area, I believe... a plains tribe... might be cree... that's where her bio-dad goes sometimes...
Anyhow... yeah, stay with what you know. I am RC but family participated in both greek and ukrainian ortho as well... always interesting and never understood what they said... but it was colourful. lol and lutheran... but we don't talk about that side too much...
KD, I said Canadian but I really meant Father(Scott/English and Cree) Descendants worked For Hudson Bay company and fought along with Louis Riel , Mother (Ojibwa) mixed with English, descendent fought along with Joseph Brant in the war of 1812. I am a mutt, no inbreeding here. I identify as Metis. Eastern Sask area might be Sioux territory. Cree are located usually Manitoba, northern Ontario, and Quebec.
The priest was very informative in the information he gave me. I had very good talk with him. When I came home My w was full of questions what I said. We actually acted like a family working together. One day at a time.
H 37 W 38 M 11 T 18 D 4 S 10 Bomb 27/11/2010 Separated still living in the same house 1/1/2012 No D Papers No Separation Papers
I'm glad I have to go to work today. I get home every day at 4pm - 4:30pm. I usually pick up my daughter at MIL house and my s at SIL house. I went to pick up my S on Friday night. My w had started kitchen renos at our house on Thursday. I could not cook, My SIL insisted that the kids stay and eat. I know My SIL wanted to talk as well. I listen to BIL and SIL tell me what I should do. They have not been given any info from my w. I told them I am living a single parent life right now. I do all the cooking and laundry. I do all the kid activities. I care for my w but she is free to go. I will never keep the kids from my w. I value my IL and I care and respect for them as well. I can not leave their lives. SIL has 4 kids that adore my. I told them that I will still be in their lives. I told my SIL that I am worried about My w as she is not her self. My sil and BIL stated that I mean alot to them and told me that that I am welcome at their house anytime. My s and w use to be very close. Since this s my w has been scarce. As I am talking with MIL my w texts me.
W-Hey can't use the kitchen ...Dinner? 6:25pm
If I was at home I would have know that 2 hours ago. I ignored the message did not want to fight.
w-Did the kids eat yet? 6:54pm H- Grilled cheese 6:55pm w- k 7:05 pm w- Where are you having Grilled cheese? 7:56pm H- My s said to me since we are getting our kitchen re done that we need to go over to the IL's ..Like they did to us...I with the kids at your sister's 7:57pm W- Why didn't you tell me u were there earlier? 8:02 pm H- kids are having fun we will be home shortly 8:06 pm
I know my being at SIL house would cause tension with my w. I did not want her angry but I did want my kids to have fun. the kids were in the back yard catching butterflies. I did not want to take that away from them. My kids are always asking to go over to their cousins house.
My w told me on Friday night that she will be working on Saturday. I told my w that we need to have better communication. I don't ever remember her saying that. My w was convinced that she told me. I know she never did. Anyways I do what I always do. Of course I did not say that to my w.
Well My w took her angry pills on Saturday night and continued to Sunday. I told my w in private away from the kids that please stop snapping at the kids and me. I get that you want to D I will not stop the process. I need you to work with me raising the kids. I do not want the bitterness to get worse with distance. My w agreed and would try. Sunday Morning I come back from My s hockey tryout. My w was agitated. First time in months I have seem my w do the laundry.We were not fully in the house before my w started yelling at my s from Homework and his room being a mess. My w was slamming the washing machine lid down and throwing the clothes on the floor to fold. My w snapped at my d for lying on the clothes. I stepped in
H- please My w stop. I don't want you to take your anger out on our kids. Take it out on me not them. If you want you can go get a coffee and calm down.
W-so that you can go tell everyone that I don't do anything in the house. H- I am not score keeping I am doing what needs to be done.I don't care who does the work. w- where were you for the last 10 years H- yes you are right I was not doing this 10 years ago. w- I don't want to be here h- Please All I want is for you to be there for the kids. I don't want them to hate you like you use to say to me. w- I haven't been there because of you h- fine you can't stand me..I am not leaving my kids...I don't expect you to..we both have to find a way to raise our kids together w- it's not easy. h- have I been snarky to you..have I lashed out to you w- no just...you don't get me.
W decided that she wanted to go to have a coffee at starbucks. I finished the laundry. When she came home my d was mad at her. My d was not told my w was leaving. I let my w explain that.
H 37 W 38 M 11 T 18 D 4 S 10 Bomb 27/11/2010 Separated still living in the same house 1/1/2012 No D Papers No Separation Papers
KD....Yeah My w wants us to sell the house and live down the street and raise our kids in separate houses.I have told my w that I don't want that. If and when we sell I will not live close to my w. I have told her that I am hurt and I don't wan to be reminded of my w, I will plan a new life for me and the kids. After she finished the bathroom, I told my w that again I don't want to sell the house. My w was mad for a few weeks and now has started reno of the kitchen. I am agreeing with everything but selling the house and living close to her. I don't want to sell the house. My kids need a stable place to live. My w sent me a text this morning that the house 2 doors down is going for 610,000. I know she sent the text to provoke me. I have not responded. I am my kids rock. I make all decisions with kids in mind first.
The granite counter top went in on Friday. I complimented my w on her style and choice. Cause I was not asked what I wanted my w did ask what I wanted for a sink. My w ended up choosing what she wanted. Our garbage disposal now doesn't fit as the sink is too big. My w was cursing the sink on sunday when she was pulling the slob out of the sink. I try not to laugh but it is quite humorous in what my w chooses and it does not go to her plan and she yells and screams like a teenager. I try to be there for the kids. I try my hardest not to gloat. I do find my self going to another room to have a little chuckle. Sunday I was doing chores in the house with earphones on as I did not want to hear my w. I will do that more. it was alot more peaceful.
H 37 W 38 M 11 T 18 D 4 S 10 Bomb 27/11/2010 Separated still living in the same house 1/1/2012 No D Papers No Separation Papers
Eastern Saskatchewan area, I believe... a plains tribe... might be cree... that's where her bio-dad goes sometimes...
but it was colourful. lol and lutheran... but we don't talk about that side too much... 