WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

What I struggle with is "do what works". Nothing seems to really work. When W and I don't have contact for an extended period, say a week or five days, she "finds" a reason to contact me/come over. When I spend time with the kids, take them somewhere, enrich their lives somehow she's warm and chatty.

But she's like that most of the time if I don't do that as well.

About the only time things go south is when she wants something and I won't do it/give it/acquiesce. But even that passes fairly quickly.

So since nothing seems to make a significant difference I'm choosing to maximize time I can with my S and with SS and SD.

Our contact remains limited to the kids. I don't text her, email her, call her, or drop by if I'm having a bad day, have a problem, or whatnot. I don't share my successes/victories or my problems with her. Conversely she likes to share her problems with me whenever she can but I try to keep that short and limited.

For example, yesterday I was sitting at a table at the rink. Suddenly she's sitting across from me. We start discussing feeding the kids and what time we need to leave. Then she asks how my job is going. So I tell her. As it happens I'm working on a project with her employer (a large government agency). She then rolls into problems and challenges at her job. I listen for a minute or two and then excuse myself to go skate.