Do I just give in?

[Hurt84]

Well, this weekend was another mixed bag of signals.

Saturday, we basically went our separate ways until dinner. I worked out with a buddy of mine in the AM and then did a few hours of yard work outside in the afternoon. She was out with her sister for a while to help her with a few things. A mutual friend was in town so a group of us got together for dinner. As it's been par for the course, dinner went well and we had a good time.

Sunday was a little more up and down. We ended up discussing our finances and what's going to happen when she moves out (I almost said "if" but I'm trying to stop myself with that). She maintains that she wants to keep everything with banking, etc all the same in the event she does come home. I get the impression that she doesn't want to tip off her superiors at work that something is amiss - several of her coworkers know what's going on, or at least what side of it she tells them, but not her boss.

We talked briefly about how much of a separation is it with her wanting to keep the fiances together or her wanting to do her laundry there or leaving much of her stuff in the house or continuing to do many of the things we have planned. She never really thought about it until then, especially when I used my college comparison. She, hypothetically, wants to be out on her own living her presumed single life but trying to make things as easy as possible for herself with regards to everyone else but with me she thinks she can just step away for a little while and come back. I told her this separation is just as much for her to determine what she really wants as it is for me.

The conversation really didn't go anywhere productive. I made it a point not to really push why or how we got here or about OM but more tried to focus on how we are going to handle things going forward. If anything, I was able to put out one boundary in reaction to her trying to say that I don't want her there. I said that it couldn't be further from the truth and that this is her choice to walk away from our relationship right now. I've been willing to work at our issues and work with her through her A. I know I have some ownership over why we are here but I'm not looking to walk away. I think she was taken back by the way I phrased that a bit.

The rest of the day was pretty much us doing our own things separately. Today her sister texted me that they talked on Saturday about things a little. She said my wife doesn't want to get a divorce but more wants space right now to sort things out for herself. SIL doesn't understand her need to get an apartment but she believes its because she doesn't want to have to answer to her mother. W did continue to lie to her about the A and saying that she never cheated on me. I really didn't say much except that while I don't like anything about what's happened I want to put the work into rebuilding our relationship but right now she's not in the same place. I'm willing to give her the space she needs. We pretty much left it at that, I didn't want to say too much.

Like I said, a mixed bag.