There has been some progress since my last post. My W did apologize for lying to me but didn't apologize for the affair itself. It is a start, and to be honest the lying made me more upset then the affair itself(what H or W hasn't fanastized about an affair?)so I'm greatly relieved and appreciative about the apology. However, as Michelle Weiner-Davis has warned in her Divorce Remedy book...once you know about the affair and you really want to save your marriage you will find that your emotional response about the affair will be getting in the way of your best efforts. For example, I snapped at my wife a couple of weeks ago for not saying "good night" to me and we have been sleeping in separate bedrooms since. As Jody (my DB coach) has recommeded...if any of you out there are going through a similar experience - find a safe place somewhere where you can cry, scream, throw things, whatever, without upsetting your spouse and/or children. It is simply almost impossible to hold in the negative emotions indefinitely. Right now I'm just trying to be a good friend to my wife. And as John Gottman (psychologist specializing in marriages...look him up he is good) states (and so does Michelle) that being a good friend to your troubled spouse is the best thing to do. Oh and lots of space and a godlike amount of patience (something I'm not very good at but I'm getting better)!
