Outside the Scope of This Report 4

[WenikiTiki]

For some odd reason, today was the day. You know, the day I just had enough. H and I worked on the yard together. We came in and I started dinner. He asked what I wanted to watch on TV. He starts a show on the DVR. Then he gets and takes an hour long call with OW.

I switched the DVR over to watch somthing I like and he doesn't. (Nurse Jackie) He comes back from his bedroom and his call. Dinner came out of the oven about then, chicken enchillatas with green sauce. And I just was done.

I confronted him about him skipping a planned on talk we were supposed to have yesterday. I went over everything I've been wondering, worrying about. I told him how I felt about OW and her games. And he is just steadfast in his desire to end our marriage. He said it isn't about OW, it is about me. And if that is true, then I am not hanging in there anymore, to wait and see.

There is no easy way out. And until he lives with crazy and gets all that will come with that, I'm not changing his mind. And I pressed him hard, because our conversations always end with him just saying we are getting divorced. I asked him to tell me exactly how that works. He says well we get divorced. I aid, no, I wanted details. He didn't have any.

I said how much money was he going to give me for spousal support and for how long? Anyway, we hammered out all the details, I told him what I want, what I think is fair. He actually named a number higher than I was looking for.

Now some of you are going to say to not work it out, to go to court. I am looking at how things go here in Hawaii. And it is a crapshoot. It depends on the judge, your lawyer and maybe which way the wind is blowing. Many people have told me the best way to go in Hawaii is with a mediator.

The uncertainty of it has been killing me. So I need to go in, get this all written up and we will proceed from there. H is evidently being driven more by the fact that he "Isn't getting any younger." To which I say "AMEN".

His main worry is that he won't be able to buy a house. He also really wants to keep the boat. And it pains me terribly that the one thing I worked so hard on will end up being enjoyed by OW. But I need to just let go of that dream. I guess I'll give her my foul weather gear, since she seems to like my stuff.

Actually, I'd better keep it. Who knows, a better boat might be in my future.

Anyway, we covered medical, dental and life insurance, retirement, future retirement, spousal support, and all our assets. I also told him I didn't think his IRA's should have OW's name on them, that he should put our sons names on them. I reminded him how much that hurt his and his brother and sister's feeling to find that their dad had given so much money to his new wife. (My MIL passed away pretty young)

As we finished our discussion I did feel a great sense of relief. I guess I just don't need to worry about all this anymore. Let us see how I sleep tonight.

@KML: H and OW were always acting like I was so weak and couldn't do things. Funny, because I workout more than them combined. I have come to realize it was just part of the highly effective brainwashing OW did on H.

Sad and funny how we let other people get in our heads.

Aloha,

Wendy