He asked for divorce after coming back from Iraq..

[A&J2009]

there are days when i'm strong and there are weeks when i'm barely hanging...i just can't pull myself together last couple of days, i thought i detached myself from him and for three weeks i was fine, i was not checking my FB and emails constantly, was not feeling that sorry for myself and that he hurt me so bad, got myself occupied with stuff and the gym and met a couple of friends. but then he wrote me about a week ago, because his job application docs and passwords are going straight to me so i have to forward it to him. so i called him back on skype, we talked for about an hour and it was without fighting, he was telling me that he's stressing out all the time right now, cause of all the papers he needs to fill out and money problems of going back and forth from illinois to california to get this job and living at his parents house and he's been drinking pretty often last two months, and he said he's struggling with his PTSD issues its bothering him, but he doesn't want to go to talk to anyone. we started talking about us and i asked him does he think we have any chance to work things out ?

(i know i shouldnt have done it:( but i feel like i'm living in limbo, and i wanted at least a tiny light at the end of the tunnel, smth positive)

he said he's not filing for divorce yet, and its def not because of money, he said he's confused and doesn't know anything and what to do.

don't even know if i should be happy about it or not.

and now he texted me a couple of times about urgently sending him via fedex some of his papers. and the messages were pretty demanding (without any - hey, how are u doing, just do this, send me this, i need that, don't argue with me, just do it) and i was getting them at 3 or 4 in the morning (cause of the time difference) i got tired of him talking to me like that so i called him on skype in the morning, so i told him that i don't owe him anything and he if wants me to help him he shouldn't be so mean and be nicer. he said he re read his messages and was sorry for writing in this tone and so early.

i told him i missed him when he was nice and caring and we had so much fun together, i asked him whether he missed me, he said - it's hard for me to feel anything. (he's explaining it as ptsd issue) and then said that he needed to go.

but then he said he was not trying to be mean. i said - you're mean to me. he said - no, i'm indifferent.

that just killed me, what does that mean.

why is he saying that he is not filing for divorce and confused what he wants and the next day he doesn't miss me and indifferent to me? i don't understand anything and feel like i live at the gates of hell, not there yet but i already feel the heat. so broken.