Kimmerz, there's so much that needs to be done. Once my attorney responds to the D papers then we need to do our income/debt disclosures. After that temporary support can be worked out. In the meantime, my H controls the money by only depositing enough to cover bills which he doesn't have a good grasp of. In addition to that I find it really annoying and odd that although he has his own bank account he continues to use our joint account (the one that barely has enough to cover my expenses) to purchase gas and pay his utilities. He pays for everything else out of his own bank account. What's up with that? It's like he's a teenager who wants his own car and apartment, but he doesn't want to pay for necessities like gas and electricity. When I brought this up to him several months ago he turned it into an argument, making me the bad guy again. So, finances is something that my attorney needs to get settled immediately. I don't want to have to contact him for anything, especially money.

I seriously just don't feel emotionally safe having any dealings with him whatsoever. My heart just isn't strong enough yet. There is always something in each conversation, email, etc. that throws me into a tailspin. Going NC protects me to some degree from the reality of the situation. I just need time to accept what has happened. For me this all came out of left field. The day of BD was the day he left and I've been trying to wrap my mind around this ever since.

My H doesn't see the boys at all. In fact, he said since they don't want a relationship with them he's giving me 100% custody. How convenient! What kind of father just walks away from their kids without trying to repair things? The boys don't want to have contact with him because he uses that time to justify his actions. When they've expressed anger and hurt feelings he goes into his whole speech about how he had to leave, blah, blah, blah and plenty of kids have divorced parents and they're fine. He's truly clueless.

I'm so angry that while he walks around in la la land, I'm picking up the pieces from what he's done. I think I'm really starting to hate him! I know this is vindictive, but I want him to hurt and feel scared by the reality of his actions. Sadly these men keep running and self medicating so they don't have to go there. What cowards!