Hi Golf Mom, I think your response in regards to the refinancing is perfect and you should say that.
Ok Golf Mom, this is where you have to stand firm, DO NOT WAIVER, and you make the rules on this one. Sorry but when it comes to the kids and money, DO NOT LET THEM RUN THE SHOW. You can be fair, and you can be firm, you can noegotiate, BUT DO NOT BACK DOWN. What you do now can either help you down the road or bite you in the A$$ later. I know it's so hard, but this is where you must put your business hat on and be very realistic of what your future will be down the road.
First of all, have you both come to an agreement on an amount of money (child support, house payment, etc.) he will pay to sustain you until the divorce negotiations are agreed upon? If not, my advice is to get that ironed out NOW.
Second, do you already have a routine or plan you're following in regards to his parenting time with the kids? If you don't, get it ironed out NOW.
If you can get that agreed upon, and he actually sticks to the plans you two agreed upon, then there is no reason for you to contact him ( and him to contact you) unless something out of the ordinary happens...and alot of the time it does. Life just happens and there are times we have to contact them even if we don't want to. Been there done that. But when it comes up, you just deal with it. yes it tears the heart strings, and sets you back sometimes, but that's just the way it is. Yes, it [censored]!Believe me I know and I live it all the time.
Im sorry, I can't remember, but has he filed the papers yet? I remember you saying your attorney didn't want to do anything until he files the papers?
Keep this in mind...if he drags his feet on filing the papers, you can always turn right around the file them yourself. Now I know that's not very DB of me, but I also know these MLCers will drag their feet, procrastinate, scream and yell they want a divorce because you're personally responsible for their misery in life and then turn right around and not even be proactive in their own divorce!!!!!! Been there, done that.
I tried to negotiate parenting time with the kids and timely payment with my Xh and he didn't take me seriously. He wouldn't let me know when he wanted the kids, I had a hard time making plans of my own. Our lives revolved around HIM, even after he left! He'd show up and take the kids whenever I wasn't home, make plans with them without checking in with me first, pay agreed child support whenever the heck he wanted... I mean the man was all over the place. I let it roll a while because I didn't want to cause ripples and was still wondering/hoping he was going to come home. When it was clear he wasn't going to, I took action, and he was pissed. But I didn't care. When I got my attorney involved, he listened.
Then when they come to you all frustrated because they don't want to pay money,or you're controlling all the parenting time, then the self satisfying part of this is saying " Sorry, but you made the choice to leave. You wanted a divorce. You've got it. This is reality". And let me tell you it's very satisfying to remind them that in all reality this is what they wanted but it comes with consequences that their MLC brain DID NOT think about!
They will be angry with you, go to the OW and cry about what a B**** you are,get family involved, and basically throw a tantrum like a child would when not getting what they want. But like a child, in the end they will respect you for it.
