Not sure where to start, Part 2

[wishing, hoping]

You know funny thing is when he was telling me about things yesterday he mentioned that in January when he was trying to decide what he wanted to do he saw me trying harder and that just pushed him away. So doing the things he hated pushed him away and then doing the things he liked pushed him away. I just don't think he will recognize any changes so I am just doing things for me and my kids. And try not to have a panic attack.