Not sure where to start, Part 2

[hopingandpraying]

That doesn't really make sense to me about buying side by side condos...random!

Yes..."It is what it is." You just have to make the best of it and you will come out a better you! I am noticing this EVERY day!

[wishing, hoping]

D just had a meltdown. She has been acting out a lot lately and I know why, but H is in denial that our Divorce has anything to do with it.

She is lashing out at him and he tried to punish her and I just stepped back and let him handle it. He couldn't so he called me in to intervene. I asked him what he wanted me to do and he told me to talk to her. I said if you want me to talk to her you need to leave us alone. He didnt want to like he wanted to be in the room when I talked To her. I said if you want me to talk to her I think it would be best if he left us alone. He did, begrudgingly.
I held her and rocked her and calmed her down. I then asked her why she was angry and she said she was mad at daddy and I explained that when we get angry we can't hit. She calmed down after a while.

I don't know how he thinks he is going to handle these instances when we finally move away from each other. Of course if we have side by side condos he can just walk over. Lol!

This man is in la la land.

[YankeeCandle]

I understand what you are saying wishing. It's just horrible when they switch off their romance and redirect it elsewhere. To me, it's best not to be around that. It actually makes me feel worse than I already feel - but they don't see it that way.

And, what's with the friends thing. My H said exactly the same thing. It's like they let you go but don't truly let you go and live your life to the full. This is what has been bothering me about my sitch. It's like why? Am I some sort of back up plan, just in case? Loads of good that does my self-esteem.

It's my battle. I know it's not terribly DB of me, but I have this same dilemma.

Anyone see the 1980's film, Heart Burn?

So, I hear you and offer support. If I ever crack this nut, I'll let you know.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks YC. It's hard to see him leave knowing where he's going and knowing he knows I know and that does not stop him.

I just feel nauseous. He told me when he announced the affair that he knew how I felt about cheating and that I always said if he did that it would be over. So why do I still want to hang on. Is it because I still love him or is it because I don't want to lose the fight?

I know affairs are addictions and the excitement fades after about 6-9 months and same with me feeling out of control and feeling in love with H. I know time is on my side. It just seems like such a long journey. Feeling so overwhelmed.

[YankeeCandle]

Thanks YC. It's hard to see him leave knowing where he's going and knowing he knows I know and that does not stop him.

I don't know how you do it actually. I know I couldn't, which is why I asked him to leave me alone. Of course that hasn't happened but it was a mixture of the two of us not really wanting to 'leave me alone'.

It's hard either way in a difficult sitch.

He told me when he announced the affair that he knew how I felt about cheating and that I always said if he did that it would be over. So why do I still want to hang on. Is it because I still love him or is it because I don't want to lose the fight?

So, does that mean that he told you because he wanted you to end it? He clearly didn't want to take the responsibility of that one. It's sounds similar to when my H said, "I had to leave, I had no choice in the matter." Bottom line - their logic goes haywire.

But it's a good question about loving him or wanting to win.

In the in-between days that I don't see my H, it's all about winning. On the days I see my H and we interact, I see that it's not about winning at all because remember how good we once were together not long ago and wanting that back, but with improvements.

So, it's not black or white - it's some shade of gray.

[YankeeCandle]

One last thing I'd say though is that this time has given me space to heal myself, to ask myself what I really want and to build resolve to not settle for less than my values.

How that will happen I have no idea and I dare not think it will be straight forward.

[wishing, hoping]

That's just it. I can't believe a word he says because even when he comes clean, he still doesn't come clean. I used to know he would never lie to me. I used to think he would never cheat. He is just so different.

In one breath he tells me that I made such a hostile environment he could not take it anymore and the next breath says it isnt me at all but about him trying to find happiness.

My mind is spinning. My H needs help. And a serious reality check.

[hopingandpraying]

I seriously think our Hs read the same script or book!!

What is wrong with them?!?!? I also said to my H if he ever cheated I would be out the door..and he did it and I'm still here partly.

I agree with you YC that when I'm not around him it is more like I want to succeed at our M. However, when we did have a positive interaction at DB 2x and at parts on our 1 date, it's about wanting to get those AMAZING feelings back!

W,H--I also know how you feel about him coming clean. Bottom line, cheaters are liars and for now, we'll never really know what the truth is. The sad thing is--they are lying to themselves to!!! That can't feel good and be true happiness.

[wishing, hoping]

So if we don't know what the truth is, H&P, how can we ever believe them again? H acts like a 17 year old boy stuck in a middle aged man's body. It is pretty pathetic.

I am actually better at DB when I am not around. I can avoid the temptation to call because there is really nothing to say. I always let him call me. It is when he is around that I get confused. I try to avoid him in the house but it is hard. And whenever I go to a different part of the house he always follows me to see what I am doing.

Now that OW is confirmed it is harder to thought stop. I know she is a symptom not the cause of our marital problems but just when I think I have detached something else pops up.

I just keep telling myself that time is on my side. And that there are great things in store for me.

[wishing, hoping]

Mornings are so hard. Waking up to the realization H wants out and thinks he is in love with another woman. I feel weak every morning and have to pray for strength. Right now time feels like my enemy because there is so much emotion left to go through.