It is me again. Screwed up again.

[25yearsmlc]

I don't think that I was manipulating her. I just wanted her to change and was not going to marry her until she did.


Not to quibble, but that^^^ is the definition of manipulation. "I just wanted her to change and I was not going to do 'x' until she did" what I wanted...

Par4, That IS manipulation...sorry you don't see that. Someday you ought to check that out as far as being something you can't or won't see that you do.
it's not the worst trait in the world but you need to identify what you are doing in your world.

Assess your behavior accurately...



Which at the time I thought she might.I can't afford counseling right now. I am sure that I need it.

If you have health insurance, at least some of it is covered. Tell me, have you called to ask how many appointments you can get?

Trust me, if her meds are covered, so is counselling for you.


Yeah, I am addicted to having her around. I enjoy doing other things not with her when she is home. Don't take that wrong I did things with her also. I'll get over it, it is just a long road and she seems to have found a short cut that takes all the memories of me away. I think that she love me. Maybe she was just using me. I felt that way sometimes.

I highlighted where you spent your energy reading her mind... That takes a lot of energy to do, and it's famous for NOT being accurate so it's really a waste of energy.

Instead, you could spend that energy on creating a life you want. Or spending quality time with your son.

My biggest regret in my sitch, was how much time I wasted on wondering what my h was doing or thinking or how he really felt about me or us or our family.

Instead, I could have spent that time and energy on creating a new, better future for ME and my children.

In fact, when I finally did turn my attention away from h and his craziness, I got a lot happier and so did the kids...and I actually think that is probably what h noticed. It was not my goal to get his attention, but to move forward.

And he began to see that we were something he missed being around.

(No one healthy misses a whiny needy clingy person. But they do miss a happy upbeat person.)

And even if h had not come around, I was way better off not feeling so miserable.