I don't love you anymore but we can be friends 3

[isittoolate]

Sad

Just read your sitch for the last month and it is similar to mine.

My W wants to separate, but for me to move out. This is the only logical way it could happen given our jobs, house, two sons etc.

Nov 11, I was given 9 weeks to look for a place (I agreed to it as the previous few months she had made my life miserable being cold,distant and uncommunicative and not letting me touch her) then I found DB/DR and started 180s and GAL etc and after 9 weeks she admitted that things were confusing for her - I had made things harder by my 180s...another month went by and things were ok but then she suddenly went cold,distant, uncommunicative etc. The trigger was her reading a sample of a book on my kindle (not DB/DR), downloading it on her kindle and assuming that everything I was doing was to stop the separation/divorce. The book has a provocative title along the lines of Stop Your Divorce, BUT she actually downloaded a different one to the one I was reading!!

Anyway, she started to arrange visits to her parents without me and other nights out with mutual friends without me and this triggered a R talk which ended with me agreeing to move out. I thought it would be good to get time and space apart but I didnt want a 6 month let ( the minimum in UK) so I engineered 4 weeks apart. I thought by separating it would be a big 180! - wrong.

I work away a lot so I have filled my diary with work away from home and come home at the weekends and stay in a holiday cottage 10 miles from home).

Instantly she changed and things between us became a lot better in the 7 days before I left, Easter weekend was good and she even groomed me in the last two days before I left - eyebrows and hair - weird to say the least!

I am two weeks into separation and regret moving out. It feels like she is easing me down the road and is happy about it. She stopped wearing her wedding rings (tho I dont know exactly when but it was before i moved out). For the first time she has told her girlfriends about the separation.

I have tried to LRT but because I work away so much, I dont think minimal contact has much effect on her. I never ring her at work as she is so busy, the same with email - says she is too busy. One good thing is that she hasn't mentioned what will happen in 12 days time when I move back in. But I fully expect her to say that she was happy with the temporary separation and wants to make it longer term - we shall see.

NB We rarely have R talks (3 in 5 months)there is no intimacy between us (I am not allowed to even hold her hand), she will not go on a date with me (except to the movies), and she has NEVER stated or implied that she is interested in working on our marriage.

In your sitch you dont mention the things that she 'complained' about before the bomb. Try to make a list of even the innocous ones that you thought she was wrong about - see if you are addressing them (is she letting you address them?).

Also set some goals and put them on here for the vets to read through.

Ill keep in touch, Best of luck