I guess I can be here now

[25yearsmlc]

May

as Endeavor says, the knowldege that this is a one time deal CAN help you feel safer or more empowered.
Endeavor wrote:

And in my truly lucid deep moments, I think to myself if I can get through this, I can get through anything. My H also knows that strike two and he's out. I go through this once. That gives me some peace and some control and in the end, that's the only person that we can control.

This makes me feels strong b/c I KNOW something i didn't know before, which is that I can survive, and yes be happy, with or without my h.

You could try again with your h and not risk "it all". You can know that no matter what HE does, you will be alright. How?

Well, I know I do not plan on being in that hideous position again, like Endeavor says, this was for me a one time deal...

if h freaked again or had an A, I'd be done & gone. No 2nd thoughts and no regrets.

As Oprah would say, "This is what I'm sure of...."