I guess I can be here now

[ESN]

Sweetie, now we're getting somewhere. Whether anyone here thinks this is okay or that you should give up or not. This is reality. This is the truth. And it's good to acknowledge it.

B/c what did change - as 25 keeps asking - from before to now is that you found [censored] on his computer.

You want to know more. Whether it's your inner child or whatever, I see this drive in your and I see you're not going to be satisfied until you have some evidence or truth or acknowledgement - and right now you're in a delusion.

Again, you can "let go"

But this is really where it comes down to being in your own power and trusting you. What do you need? Want? Those are questions that you have to be able to address here.

You may "Want" to let go, but do you need him to acknowledge something in order to move on?

Honor your feelings, May. They are your inner wisdom trying to guide you. You're trying to push them away with meds and all kinds of numbing or whatever - anger/rage - but see that they are here to alert you of something.

If he did have a PA. You know. It's on the table. and you have a choice. You have a choice now - you don't HAVE TO KNOW. But I think I see that you want to be with something known, and are uncomfortable with that unknown and it's going to keep playing out -

Again, not what people are telling you to do - but I don't see you doing it. So why keep rehashing?

You guys are giving May some great advice. Invaluable.

I think there's a big piece that's just not getting acknowledged here.

You'll glossed over it last time too.

And it came back around.

May needs to know what her husband did or didn't do. She has no idea if he had a PA. It's going to burn her up inside.

He's not owning it.

That's huge. That's a HUGE piece of this.

Endeavor - what you have is HUGE and I just don't think May's got that. Her H is not saying "go ahead, sweetie, be angry." That's Transparency that May just does not have with her H. And so how can she
a, move on
b, let go
c, forgive
when she doesn't even know what she's dealing with and it's bothering her and she tries to push it aside but it

KEEPS COMING BACK

and not only does she not have that right now, she doesn't have

acknowledgement or remorse from her H

She can give a lot of this to herself - peace, etc. But I just don't see her POOF - letting this go and moving on. It's nice, in theory, it ain't happening.

May, tell me where I'm wrong here.

100% correct on that. A lot of this would be better if he would just come clean and let me be at peace. At one point he had taken responsibility, but that was when I did not know more of the truth. Now that I know more of the truth, all of the sudden it's not his fault anymore. And I'm not ok with that.