I guess I can be here now

[25yearsmlc]

re EE there is no housing cost...but I thought you were on the east coast...anyhow

as for Retrovaille, if you can get him there, it'll help. No one is "harmed" by it. And I am not so sure he would not go. There's no blasting of the spouse. If he knows it is for "better communication" maybe he wont' feel so pressured or on the spot.

Or is it you wanting him to be on the spot? I'm sincerely asking May...

And as far as DETERMINING whether there was a PA, how are you going to KNOW?

If it's over (and I feel fairly confident nothing is going on now)

then you think he'll fess up now when he knows 1) how YOU react (which you learned from your mom)?

And

2) when you keep saying it's a deal breaker,

(b/c your dad did it to your mom...and gee, no baggage there...)

Geez, I doubt I'd fess up.

So you can hire a forensic accountant or a PI I guess...is that what you want to do with your energy?

You have to decide that maybe you are NOT going to "KNOW", and if that is the case are you going to end the m?

What is it he's supposed to feel bad about now, IF the EA he admitted to having is over, and he admitted it and DID apologize...is it that it wasn't enough for you or

you want it to happen again? I mean you want him to keep apologizing?

OR to seem to suffer more?

You already know he's depressed.

Why can't you believe some of that is related to his remorse over the past year?

Some men, my h included, think ONE apology for a wrong is totally sufficient if it's sincere.

Besides, maybe your h feels you withdrawing love/affection from him, which makes him less motivated to reach out and get zapped again, I guess.

Thing that keeps coming up for me is his family crap.

They don't forgive either and your family doesn't...so why would he expect to be able to be honest with you if he's made a mistake?-

MAYBE-

If he never saw forgiveness from you, he won't believe you can give it or that he can get it...

and that

makes almost all conflicts a lot harder to resolve, b/c being wrong is pretty much a fatal blow to the relationship

May, thoughts?