I filed for divorce. We had our first court session a couple weeks ago. Things went in my favor.
She no longer has her own place...she is living between two of her family members homes, she doesn't have a job...she was fired. No money...keeps asking me (I say no each time), started school (hopefully a step in the right direction), blames me for everything, tells me i'm an a-hole and she hates me. she's mad because i filed for divorce due to adultery. she says that i never cared about the kids and now i'm super dad all because i'm trying to make her look bad. she is very, very angry and critical towards me.
i feel like i hate her. the truth is that i miss her. i don't want the person she is now. but i'm losing hope she will ever change. and if she does, how will i know since i don't trust her?
i really feel compelled to come back to the boards and work on my marriage again. however, i can't go back to dealing with that kind of pain again. i'm finally at the point that i can breathe. i do not have nightmares anymore. i can concentrate on my work. i'm genuinely happy. i just can't work on it anymore. i've come too far and i don't want to go back. especially if it's a hopeless cause.
i don't understand why i miss her so much. my lawyer is even shocked about some of the stuff she's done. yet, i want her back?!? WTF?
