Not sure where to start, Part 2

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks YC. It's hard to see him leave knowing where he's going and knowing he knows I know and that does not stop him.

I just feel nauseous. He told me when he announced the affair that he knew how I felt about cheating and that I always said if he did that it would be over. So why do I still want to hang on. Is it because I still love him or is it because I don't want to lose the fight?

I know affairs are addictions and the excitement fades after about 6-9 months and same with me feeling out of control and feeling in love with H. I know time is on my side. It just seems like such a long journey. Feeling so overwhelmed.