I agree with kml. It depends on the situation. I was the cheated upon spouse and I would have wanted to have been told sooner rather than later.
I did make the decision to inform OWH after giving it much thought and consideration. I vacillated back and forth for a month before coming to the decision though. It was not done out of revenge but simply so OWH could protect his health and make decisions about his future based on the entire truth about his W. It was a difficult decision for me and I felt sick at the thought of hurting another human being in that manner which is why I will never understand the mindset of the wayward...
However, in my case, I do believe OWH already knew or suspected as he called me twice after D-day but did not leave a message. I responded by sending him a message on FB as I did want the drama of speaking to him in person, or possibly having his crazy W get on the phone. The ow in my situation was batchit crazy.
My H has said now in hindsight, that if OWH did know and had informed me, it would have ended the A sooner because my H had been trying to get out for months but ow was threatening to tell me. If OWH did know, I wish he would have called me sooner but it's possibly he didn't find out until after D-day as she went off the deep end and he may have confronted her about her mental state.
Consider the situation, your motives and proceed from there.
