I took D14 to the movies today with her cousin, my nephew. we had a good time. Took her back to the house and W and I were having a real nice conversation about nothing...just chatting again. We spoke for about 30 minutes, she made me dinner and we talked while I ate it. She really was making dinner for everyone and I happened to be there. ;-)

She then mentioned the mediator (with no talk of R at all) and how she really wanted to start moving on that...it crushed me. I was really hoping that she would give us more time. But she said that she hated how we were in limbo and needed to get things organized in her life. Really matter of factly...very cordial and nice...so it really appears that her wounds are just way too deep to heal. I took it all in stride and stayed positive, while dying inside...it's just seems too hopeless. I told her I still had hope and she said, "okay, but I don't." She even recommended me finding someone else...she has really checked out completely. I shouldn't be surprised though...she just thinks that we are not good for each other anymore and there's nothing else to do.

It's time to go completely dark (LRT) but I'm just trying to come to grips with it being over, no chance in h3!! anymore and it hurts real bad. I cannot believe that we ended up like this...we used to be so much in love and so crazy about each other...and we have such a beautiful family. She said that she's happier without me in the house, that she can finally feel relaxed and secure without the threat of me making her feel awful. She's not missing me at all and in her mind it's done...no hope.

Anyone out there to give me any kind of hope...any Vets that have been here and yet still succeeded in R. I keep reading things that even with WAW not wanting to try anything, that there could still be hope. I just can't get over the feeling that this is all a huge mistake and our lives are going to fall apart not being together...could just be me feeling that about myself...who knows...only time will tell I guess.

Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation