Kimmerz, if you're referring to "love tank" in the Gary Chapman sense then the OW isn't filling it at all. I've known my husband 23 years and it wasn't until I read that book that I realized I only thought I was giving him what he needed. It takes really knowing and having a deep connection with a person to really be able to do this and MLCers are not capable of that type of relationship. I know my H isn't capable of receiving love so his love tank will never be full unless he gets to know himself and ask for what he wants (passive-agressive). I agree with snodderly about the purpose of the relationship. Because so much of MLC seems to be about proving their manhood and feeling like they've still "got it" the OW is only in his life for that purpose (at least I think I understand that correctly). After awhile that relationship will be empty because it won't continue to be the escape from himself that he needs. (please correct me, anyone, if I'm misunderstanding all of this). Like you, I've been looking back to try and figure out when this all started. Was it when our youngest was two and my H came home with a two-seater Porsche (a purchase he made without consulting me) or did it start with the death of his parents or the realization that he's turning 50 soon.
I know it doesn't really matter since this is the time to really focus on you and your kids, but I'd be really curious to know how MLCers behavior changes once the D is final. They seem to think they have control by leaving and filing for D, but when the dust has settled what happens to the sense of control? They are no longer running from the LBS so I would think the OW is now going to be the person who represents their lack of control and freedom, but I don't have a good understanding of the aftermath.
