I guess I can be here now

[ESN]

May, I just think you're acting young - not in your adult self here. Why not? What age do you feel? What happened then?

Really one of the basic rules of codependency recover, is to step back. Develop some boundaries.

May, ask for what you need. Be prepared to get an answer you don't want to hear. Be prepared for reality.

In Love Addiction, Pia Mellody has a whole section about asking our partner to meet our needs. Of course, they're allowed to say no. But if they repeatedly say no? Well, it's on us at that point.

Crickets.

The truth.

KWIM? We start to see what's real. Even if we don't want to or haven't wanted to face that.

I'm doing this with my mom right now. I stepped way back after she repeatedly behaves in ways that are childish and upsetting to me. I let her know that she hurt me and I am taking some time. I've heard nothing back from her. If I keep telling her I'm going to have to step back or requesting that I need some commitment from her when she makes a plan (follow through) and she keeps ignoring that request, well - she's my mother - I doubt I'll stop talking to her, but I will have MUCH stronger boundaries - like you said in an earlier post of yours - that detachment. Sure, it's not ideal with our spouses, family, even some friends, but if it's what's necessary to survive in the relationship, why not?

Anything else seems like we're living an illusion.

Man... I'm thinking I'm more f*cked up than I originally thought.