Thank you so much, snodderly! Please, jump in any time. I'm sure lots of us are learning from your experience and wisdom. I think the most painful part of this for me comes from the knowledge that I've gained about MLC. I really wish my H would not have filed for D since it's likely that it will become final before he is even out of the replay stage. It seems that it may be several years before he realizes what he's done and that his decision to leave didn't result in the happiness he is seeking. I would have been fine, at least for awhile, to let this play out while I focused on me and the boys, but my H just couldn't let it be. He was adamant that because his feelings hadn't changed, and they probably won't change, the logical next step is to file for D. However, he always throws in that we have six months to think about things and change our minds.
You're right about NC. I feel more in control of my emotions when I don't communicate with him. When I have a weak moment and let him know what I want or how I feel I end up feeling powerless. Making a conscious decision to not respond to him gives me some control and subsequently helps to restore my self worth.
Regarding what you wrote about their feelings of coming home, my H has told me that he feels a lot of anxiety when he is here (although that has been several months now). He has blamed that on me and the resentment he feels (his loss of manhood while in our marriage, etc. - again that's all my fault) but from your understanding is it really that being here brings up all the terrible feelings he had which made him flee? In other words, while here he felt helpless and out of control, but away he has the illusion that he has escaped what troubled him. I would really like to read the thread that you referred to. Please post a link to that and any others you think would be helpful. I truly appreciate all of you help!
