Yes, I'm talking to a C now. I think I'm going through a major depressive episode. People are extremely worried about me, to say the least. I'm getting a new doctor but not until the end of May, and will ask her to give me something to stabilize my mood.
The problem is that whenever I see the C I'm able to talk clearly and with insight about what's going on. Intellectually I have a great grip on things, it's the emotional side that's hard, and that's come to a head with the info on the job.
When I fall into despair I fall really, really hard and it feels like nothing is ever going to get better and I am little more than a fool for thinking I matter at all - to H, his D, my work - and that talking to friends and family about it is little more than a burden that affects them negatively.
I ended up going over to the farm/rescue next door with some dry cat food that mine refuses to eat. They insisted I stay for dinner, drink some wine and get in the hot tub. I ended up coming home fairly late and a little tipsy. It was nice and I appreciate that they're looking out for me.
The neighbour confirmed that he did hear from H about starting to bring his clients (mentally challenged adults) there again for community outreach / recreation. As neighbour's wife said "why here? There's lots of other places he can go." I just agreed with that and said it's between them.
I can't imagine how that's going to go. Neighbour is a bit rough around the edges and tends to speak his mind. He knows how hurt I've been and where I stand with regard to my marriage. H can't lie to him and say we agreed to split up, as he appears to have done with others. Would love to be a fly on the barn wall.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
