golf mom, I hope you don't mind my responding to you recent posting...
The need for divorce is because they view us as the enemy and, in their eyes, they feel they are entitled to happiness, which they do not believe they have had w/us for a very, very long time. They feel that if they are divorced, they will find that greener grass and the land of happiness. Of course, we all know that the issues will go right along w/them and that happiness comes from within.
Many will say that they are afraid to come into the house, they feel smothered or they feel that they are dying. It is all part of the anxiety and guilt that they are feeling at the beginning of the crisis. Confusion plays a role too. In order to alleviate those feelings, they run like little children from the bogey man. I did a thread many years ago on why they run. There were many excellent postings by membes of the board. You may find this thread helpful.
Also, keep in mind, they want to control their own destiny and they look at us as authority figures. People who know them and expect them to be responsible human beings. We know them like the back of our hand and the new friends/and ops will not know them like we did.
As for the follow up email your h sent to you, this is typical of them. They want to be in control and tell us what to do and think. They have completely forgotten that we do know how to think and do things on our own. Control is a major issue w/them, just as entitlement is.
Continue the NC because it appears to be helping you. You are definitely getting stronger by doing so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
