Feeling sad today. Going to my first big event without H today- our friend's wedding. Had to lie and tell people he was on a business trip last night at the rehearsal. I just don't get how this all came on so quickly- I mean obviously it didn't for him but for me it did. I've been so good at going dark but the past two days I've had so many little things I wanted to tell him and last night I stupidly texted him something I thought he'd find funny and got no response. I'm also getting anxious because our month of not speaking or seeing each other before making our next move is coming to and end soon (may 1) and I was hoping that after a month with little contact he'd want to try counseling (as opposed to going so I could find closure) and I feel in my heart that he won't want to try. I'm thinking I may try to stall time and keep in this holding pattern- since we can't sell our house until September anyways without a tax penalty. I'm also frustrated because with us separated and not speaking I don't really feel capable of 180s. I want to try communicating with him in other ways, since that's our biggest issue IMO, but how do I do that if we aren't communicating?
Ugh- I need to cheer up! Taking my parents dog for a walk to try and cheer up!
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
