Spinning, neglect, loss and the bomb

[ouroboros]

Well despite my best efforts, the universe is unfolding as it should.

Had a good day hanging out with W and the kids, museums and playgrounds and such.

Late in the afternoon, W asks me to use my phone to look up something on the web since her's is out of battery. I say sure, clear out all my open pages, clear the cache, and hand it to her since she's sitting right next to me.

She immediately opens up a browser and begins a search. Silly me, although I cleared the URL history, I didn't clear the search history.

The first two searches she sees pop up are "infidelity support" and "i found a love letter". She's shocked and asks me what does that mean? Did I write a letter? Did I find one?

I tell her, honestly, those were topics I looked up after our last CC session when I talked about all the behaviors that make it look to me like she's EA/PA (and which she denied).

She looks at me and tells me straight up, "I'm not cheating on you."
I said, "Well, thank you for telling me that. But I wasn't asking."
I decide I'm not going to confront her then--if I choose to do so, it'll be on my terms when I'm ready.

She's a little taken back and I'm feeling anxious. Huge change in W's attitude tonight.

I go to bed alone, she stays up.
Five minutes later, I hear a massive shuffling of papers downstairs.