I'm not really sure what she would think about it (my persuing). There is no certainty. But I thought we'd established that pUrsuit is not something you have done much of- AND she has Not asked for the space that some WASs ask for.
So once again, IMO, the advice not to pUrsue is not applicable to your situation.
Yes I could be wrong-- but your approach thus far has only gotten you what? Seems you are headed straight to a divorce.
It's like a game of chicken and so far she is not steering away from the divorce path
MAYBE b/c the OM IS pursuing her and showing her the value she has to him...
It's nice that you are GAL this weekend but the longer you take with expressing your real feelings...well let's just say you sure don't seem to be in much of a hurry.
Do you really love her, or is it that you don't want to be the "rejected one"?
I think it might feel unnatural for her, and she might feel that it's forced. These are both things she said about our 'reset plan' that we agreed to with our MC. This plan included talking x times per week, seeing either x times,etc. It wasn't exactly organic. Maybe if I do it more in a go-with-the-flow' way, it will seem more natural. Agreed. Be flexible but consistently attentive to her. And for a long time I would NOT attach any expectations of her inititating it back.
Do you see how you already want to know when you will get "paid back" or "know" that all is well w/her? Why is that? So you can "stop the WORK"?
This is supposed to be a change you WANT to make so you can be a better man. Trust me on this Ben,
learning to be more romantic & to express love in a more authentic way
is something ALL men ought to learn...geez, work on it and enjoy it!
It's not reasonable to already be worrying about how long you'll have to "try" - as if it's a drag to do so. Maybe that's not what you meant but it's how it struck me.
And it's not all that loving. Ben, see love as a gift to give and let THAT giving feel good to you. No goals attached, no expectations of her reciprocating or wondering when she will...
IF it happens, great. If it takes a long time (they say a month of consistent change for every year of the r, is a guideline, unless she's seen it fail and revert before. Then longer...) so be it. IF NOT, then at least you will know YOU did not let pride or selfishness prevent it.
I guess the main reason I ask is lets say I ask her out for lunch or something, and things seem to go well. Then a couple days later, Uh no you don't wait around...
You two didn't just meet & begun dating so there are No games to play. You call her that night or the next day & you THANK her for the good time...
if the conversation still feels good and you get a nice vibe, you schedule another "event"...NOT a sleepover and without implying that expectation.
It's all about you putting your cards on the table Ben.
or even a week later, I ask her again, and again, things go well (from my point of view), but after say 4-5 times, its always me initiating. Do I just keep going as long as things are positive? YES!
It could be seen as 'doing what works', but also could be seen as persuing. I've read it many times on these boards, and busto also told me directly to go at her pace. Respond 'in kind'. Doing what works is THE priority. Not applying ONE SIZE FITS ALL "no pursuit" to your situation, esp when yours is different.
Maybe we'll cross that bridge when/if we get there. Maybe I just need to focus on the letter for now... Focus on the letter and get a draft finished soon b/c it'll need tweaking. Plus you'll want to give her an open ended question of sorts, to see if she wants it further explained or elaborated on...
I have a good GAL weekend ahead of me. I'm going to take these next few days to enjoy my life (I still love the life I have) and get to it on Monday.
okay!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
