Been thinking of you today wondering how things were going. Your sitch really hits home, so many things are similar. Where you are now on this journey is where I was 9- 10 months ago.
First of all DO NOT beat yourself up for getting signs of hope, ok? I mean if they're dropping sigs of hope, we're going to see that. Believe me, we've all done it! Get some signs of hope to only find the complete opposite happened, and then feel foolish. I know...believe me I do.
BTW, have you gone to The Hero's Spouse website? If you haven't heard of it already it's a website totally dedicated to MLC and it's every detail...and I mean every detail. I strongly suggest you go there and bookmark this in your favorites. This woman that created this site should have a doctorate in MLC by now. I go there often, because it's there I get answers to many questions, like the one you have now. Infact this same question was brewing in my head today...why on earth did he continue to have contact in such strong spurts....and leave cookie crumbs of HOPE? Especially after it's been made clear to BACK OFF?
Why does he continue to contact you? From what I understand it really is their way of staying in touch, even if it appears strictly business. What Im learning is just how emotional these MLCers are, and that all their actions are based on whatever emotion their having at that time. Which in a sense I find a good thing and a bad thing. A good thing...meaning if it's positive, they do mean it. But then again if it's negative, they do mean that too...even if what's negative is NOT THE TRUTH.
I've also realized out of my own defensiveness, I've falsely accused my Xh of doing things spitefully to hurt me, when he really wasn't. I feel that the strongest when he would do things to show he cared, or missed me, then turn right around and be nasty and spew about something. When these MLCers zip from one emotion to the next, and one random act of kindness and caring to the next nasty spew tactic, it's only normal to think and feel that they're purposely trying to mess with our minds!
But I guess their emotions are so out of control, well what you're getting it what you're getting at that moment.
So if your H was in the mood to have a good talk with you last week, thats where his emotions were at the time. Then, if it suddenly changes and he hangs up on you, well that's his emotions at that time too. If he's spewing, well that's what mood he's in. If he's friendly the next day, well that's what mood he's in. Their emotions literally have total control over them right now....not vice versa.
In regards to your conversation you mentioned.....I've had the same experience. Perhaps they sense we're in control of ourselves and are focused, and we're not in the mood to mess around. WE have control over our reactions and emotions at that particular time. Perhaps they're drawn to that in a way because quite frankly their emotions are just running so amuck they don't know what to do.
