I didn't see it coming part 2

[MrBond]

"It's been a pretty even split, but before the bomb one of my big issues was never initiating sex."

Did she tell you that this was a problem in the relationship when she dropped the bomb? How does she initiate? Does she flirt beforehand or does she just ask if you want to have sex?

"It sounds like she has sex with you to keep you off her back.
But seriously though I don't feel like I'm pusuing her, I have given her space."

I don't think you understand. She could very well be giving you sex so that you won't bother her. Or bother with the OM.

"We both have physical needs and I think that they are just being fulfilled."

Sorry that's what animals do. Women also need an emotional connection with their men. Do you actually look at each other and talk after or is it strictly wam bam thank you maam?

"Well emotionally she may still be attached to him. He's a divorcee with a daughter,for all I know he might even be funny and she loves dancing with this little pr&*k. But for the love of God, I just can't see how or why she is/was physically attracted to this man, he's 5ft nothing, goofy looking, got grey hair and is in his mid to late 40's."

I don't think you've been reading everyone's sitches too carefully. The majority of WAS's affair down. You might think he's a goof, but the bottom line is that he has your W's heart and you don't. Never underestimate someone. He is filling a need that your W has which she feels can't be filled by you.

"I don't really know what, if anything is still going on besides the dancing now. I appreciate your frank honesty, but please don't refer to my W as sloppy seconds."

I wasn't referring to your W as sloppy seconds in a physical way but an emotional one. Right now the OM is first in her heart and you're the seconds.

"if my W is not ready to make some commitments, then we will be discussing a separation."

Not the right way to think about this. You don't leave it up to her and her changes. It comes down to how you have changed.

"I'll be the one to move out & I'm OK with this if we aren't working through our issues. I've already got a couple of places lined up where I can stay if I need to."

Then that's what you should have told her. And anyhow why do you feel the need to move out? If she is unhappy, have her leave. I know she threatened you, but do you enjoy being threatened?

"if I didn't love my W and my children, I would have walked out after learning about the affair."

But her EA is still ongoing. So are you saying that it's still okay?

"I know my failings in the M and I'm working really hard at putting these right, but my W's choices are hers, I can only work on me and my interactions. When the time comes and if it's not enough for her, then it's not enough"

Again, make the changes solely for you. It's not for your W.