I didn't see it coming part 2

[breakdownbill]

"I don't think it's stupid. I think it's just naive. So she's still seeing the OM (her choice) and having sex with you (you initiate and she doesn't does). The logic sounds messed up".

It's been a pretty even split, but before the bomb one of my big issues was never initiating sex. It has been a 180 for me of sorts, but the circumstances could be better.

"It sounds like she has sex with you to keep you off her back.
It's not always missionary ;-) But seriously though I don't feel like I'm pusuing her, I have given her space. We both have physical needs and I think that they are just being fulfilled.

Emotions are more important to women than the physical attraction. If she is emotionally tied to this OM, it doesn't matter if she has sex with him or not.

Well emotionally she may still be attached to him. He's a divorcee with a daughter,for all I know he might even be funny and she loves dancing with this little pr&*k. But for the love of God, I just can't see how or why she is/was physically attracted to this man, he's 5ft nothing, goofy looking, got grey hair and is in his mid to late 40's.

"The connection between them will continue to grow while you're left with sloppy seconds".

I don't really know what, if anything is still going on besides the dancing now. I appreciate your frank honesty, but please don't refer to my W as sloppy seconds. I'm aware that this may be happening and I'm preparing myself for a probable separation.

"She's going to determine when she's done with you.

Is that what you want"?

This is not what I want at all, when we have our next R talk after my studies have finished in a month, even if my W is not pushing for a separation, if my W is not ready to make some commitments, then we will be discussing a separation.

I'll be the one to move out & I'm OK with this if we aren't working through our issues. I've already got a couple of places lined up where I can stay if I need to.

Mr Bond, if I didn't love my W and my children, I would have walked out after learning about the affair. I know my failings in the M and I'm working really hard at putting these right, but my W's choices are hers, I can only work on me and my interactions. When the time comes and if it's not enough for her, then it's not enough and I will move forward and on with my life.

Bill