What do I do next? Part 3

[luvhurts49]

Okay, so it's been a few weeks since I've been on here and things haven't gotten any better. Our kids now have their own attorney and a ruling should be made sometime next month regarding custody. I don't like my chances here, but I still feel that it is in the best interests of our kids that they be with me, in their home, in their beds, and where they are comfortable.

Nothing much has changed with my W. She is still with OM, although she still denies it. My and my W rarely talk other than to say thank you or drive safely.

We did have a short conversation 2 weeks ago. She had some movies she rented that she wanted to drop off to me so the kids could see them. So she dropped them off without ever getting out of her car. About a minute later I called her, apologizing for not inviting her in to see the boys for a minute (brain fart on my part). She said that it was alright. About a minute later, she called me and said, it's not that she doesn't want to see our kids, it's that she never expected to be invited in to the house. She stated things like it never felt like her house and she wishes that we never bought the house. Then she started complaining about things about our R and our M. During this conversation, I'm telling her that of course this was and is her house and her home, that she is always welcome her, that a regret of mine was not allowing her to do more within the house to make it feel more like "hers". We continued to talk along those lines for 10 or 15 minutes before hanging up.

Why does she continue to torture me by talking about things that we have done, things that we both put our hearts into? Why does she keep talking and complaining about things regarding our R and our M? Does she really care? Does she only do this to torture me? Does she do this to justify her decisions? Or does she keep bringing these things up because she is still confused, feeling guilty, or a part of her just doesn't want to let go?

I'll be honest, I know it's been 8 months since she left, but my heart still yearns for my W and our M. I still can't stop thinking about her every day and I dream about her every night. I see the look on my kids faces and it kills me to see the pain that they are going through too. I just don't know what to do anymore. I really don't.

I would be grateful for any help or words of encouragement.