He asked for divorce after coming back from Iraq..

[A&J2009]

Cadet, purgatory thank you so much for your reply!!

i've been reading everyone's stories for a while and I found those 37 rules some time ago. Very helpful. i even printed them out and carry in my purse and try to reread them from time to time when I get really down. they help me a lot, help to stay focused. I ordered the books two weeks ago, but i'm sure by the time they get to Russia its either we'll be done with our divorce or happily married again:) hoping to get them sooner. but i know they will be good for me no matter what!

As for another woman I really hope there's no one. I'm praying for it. Cause its gonna make things million times harder for me to accept and as a result to forgive him. i haven't seen any straight evidence that there is OW, but as soon as he told he wanted a divorce he started adding several girls on FB everyday. The funny thing is that, he would freak out everytime i tried to add some man on FB, i would have whole investigation to go through and he told me i deleted all the girls that might bother you so you should do the same. but now when i asked him why are you adding all those girls, he said - because, i feel like they didn't do anything bad and i should have never deleted them. But I also understand that i’m so far away and its very hard to figure out if he’s actually seeing someone. He tells me he’s not. But after all this how can i trust his words now? i can't.

Your experience camping made me think of a few things:
- he doesn't understand what it means to be the husband; to have a wife that you now have to think about and involve in almost every decision. He was content to come home to *his* family and do whatever he wanted to do- without considering your needs- especially your health with the heat stroke. It's very immature for him to yell at you in front of his parents as if you were a child.
- He was not ready to include you in his definition of "family", and that's really sad. It seems like your his "family" when no one else is around- when it's just the 2 of you on the computer and skype... but then when you guys get together, you become the annoying little sister type person to him- and he blames you for not letting him have fun- again, immature.

You’re absolutely right Purgatory, this camping trip and the whole month with his family made me think if I really know my husband so well. I felt so helpless when this happened, i couldnt understand why should I and how to explain my husband that i depend on him in this situation and taking care of me was something that i was naturally expecting from him. and at the end of the day I had to apologize for my behaviour! I felt like everytime I was about to ask him to do smth for me i had to apologize first, to him, to his father, and everyone else. and after sometime he would tell me he’s aggravated that i didn't feel comfortable at his parents house.

It's a hard situation that you're in since you are living on opposite ends of the world- making communication that much harder. It's good that he's admitting that he's confused, this give you the gift of time to let him work through his issues (immaturity, strange family attachments) while YOU work on yourself, and decide what you really want for your life... b/c after all, you have no control over him and his choices, only you and yours.

the problem is that the GIFT of time, is not really a gift for me right now. It is good because it gives me an opportunity to figure out what i want my marriage to be like and what i would like to change in it and in me and also for him its chance to stop being mad at me and miss me and think of what he wants and if he can handle all responsibility of having a family.

but the problem is if i dont go to him within the next two months they are not gonna let me go, cause of my visa. i dont even know if he’s thinking about it right now, he’s so self-obsessed at the moment.

My H is in the Navy and is getting ready to deploy for an entire year to Afghanistan, so I can appreciate the daily stress and fears that come with being a military spouse. There are a few of on here, hopefully more of them will find you. My H dropped the bomb and is ready to sign papers before he goes... so I'm hoping that with the time away and my continued DB efforts, he'll come around.

Purgatory I'm so sorry for your situation! how are you coping with everything? and i can see you have two little babies, you must be so strong! are you living in the same house with your H right now? and how are you communicating? the first month after the bomb was the hardest for me, cause i was so devastated that i tried to reach him all the time, which made him only mad at me even more and ignore me. He told me that i f**ked up everything, its all my fault and that he cant even think of me without getting mad. so after a month I just stopped all communication i disappeared for 3 weeks, deleted myself from everywhere and tried to GAL. went to the gym, met some friends, and called him only on his birthday when i felt a little more confident and calm, we ended up talking for an hour and he told me he's afraid that if we try to get back together that he's gonna think that i already had someone and i'm not going to tell him that. he's sure i cheated on him already. which is not true.

How soon is your husband deploying? do you see any little positive changes in your situation?