What is going on here... and what do I do?

[LIO]

Ok I'm thinking about some of these questions above Kaffe Diem. Very good - thank you, I get lost in my own head too much!

Yes, seductress would actually work better for me at this point. IF sex was an option. Right now he's heartbroken with OW not in the picture. It's not exactly the right opportunity for me atm. But... maybe in a few weeks. Hopefully. In the meantime, that doesn't mean I can't look the part until then.

I'm trying to think of things he's complemented me on. Honestly, it's been awhile. Generally he says I'm a good mom and I'm nice. He never compliments me really. He likes it when I work on my projects. He would say I did a good job on some task that I get excited about. A long time ago, he used to like that I would draw and he complimented some of my cartoons. He doesn't care about anything I do right now - so I have to do it for me.

Things he's complained about: me being jealous. Me doing his laundry (i've stopped). Me following him around the house (yes, rule #4).

Today I'm working on being in a good mood. I don't want to come across as overly excited or forced. Our conversations are awkward. He's just responding in one/two word sentences... if that.

I did talk to him briefly on the phone. I saw one of his captions indicating that yesterday was a bad day (as is today). I'm sure it's in relation to the OW. I said "I saw your post, I'm sorry that you are having a bad day today and yesterday. I know your heart is broken. [pause pause pause] It's rough and I really feel for you." It was quite and he responded quietly with 'thank you'. I said 'ok' and we hung up.

I am empathetic towards him. I can understand broken heart better than anyone else right now. But I'm not going to 'share' that feeling with him. He can't deal with my feelings yet and I'm not asking him to right now. And I don't want to bond over him being heartbroken over OW.

180's I'm doing:
I no longer have access to his email. I thanked him for that saying that I would use it read between the lines and make assumptions on his feelings when he is perfectly capable of expressing them. I told him it was less stressful for me as well and he should have his privacy.

I moved my stuff out of his office so he can have his own space.

I'm not talking and following him around. Well today I've been successful. Yesterday, no. It's hard but I'm talking to you all here.

I am making sure I wear makeup and am dressed in something other than PJs and sweat clothes when he sees me. I've lost about 10 pounds in 2 weeks.

I'm not blowing up his email and phone today. I haven't texted him at all. I really don't want to talk on the phone with him right now. It's too hard to hear his heartbreak and not want to say 'what about me!?' as I'm waiting to be served with paperwork.

I also tell him jokes from time to time. He seems to enjoy that. He's not open yet - but it's only been 2 days since confrontation with him and OW.

GAL activities
I'm going to go to church. I'll invite him this Sunday, but I'm going anyway.
I'm working on cleaning up the house. I want this to be less messy.
I'm taking up walking right now. I don't have the energy with much anything else to get back into my weight training. Maybe I will when I can eat.




Lesson I've learned that hopefully will help other DB'ers. When they say don't contact OW DO NOT! Do not confront spouse either. It's hard to say if he would have served me or not with divorce papers as he seemed to have them already filled in. It definitely makes our interaction very stilted now.