It's so hard to see W so happy most of the time. She has the girls most of the time, if not all the time and I know that helps her tremendously...I see them as much as I can...and living in this 1-bed apt, there's no room for any prolonged visits.
Things will open up a bit for me next month since we've decided to stop paying on mortgage while the short sale goes through. So, I should have more "mad-money" to do more things outside the home with them. However, I'll need to stash some money away since my credit is going to take a hit, to get out of this place when my lease is up...Oct 31st.
Part of my frustration with her is the thought that she doesn't put me ahead of everything else. I feel 3rd on the totem...children, her family...and then maybe, me. I guess that's my own insecurity, who knows...something I need to work on...my self confidence. I've had this feeling for quite a long time...maybe that feeling has driven us apart. She doesn't know how to approach me when I get down and distant when I'm thinking that...and that just makes me feel worse, as if she cares even less. A nice little dance we have...this trying to distance myself just keeps scaring me that she'll feel so much better about us being apart. I just wish I could get that twinkle in her eye back.
My God, can we get these posts approved sooner?
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
