I so get were you are at. I cycle between things as well, but I do try to stick with a medium term goal - even if my motivational fuel that keeps me going is as narrow minded and shallow as good old fashioned revenge. Don't get me wrong, I don't want revenge really, but that is entering my mind these days more and more. It's not healthy and at some point I will have to draw the line for my own sake, and walk away.
If that happens, at least we can say we tried. I can live with that.
However, I have set my deadline, my personal deadline of June, which has given me some peace and a goal to reach. I set it for June because I stopped pursuing all together in mid-March.
I was reading The Solo Partner last night, it said that once the pursuer stops pursuing, the distancer will go through all kinds of different reactions. But, if he or she (the distancer), does not respond in the direction of wanting to repair the R within 3-4 months of the pursuer stopping all forms of pursuit, then the emotions of the distancer are genuinely so far gone, it's best the pursuer move on and be happy.
It's not to say that a year down the road they won't then wake up and realize what they left, but I figure I might as well just be as happy as I can whilst I rebuild. At the moment, in this limbo land, I feel like I too am holding onto a hope that is interrupting my wellbeing. It might just come to a point where the balance of the scales tips more in favor of, "It's best to be alone and happy than to be cycling with no end in sight."
At the moment, there is still the possibility of a turnaround though.
