am i better off without him?

[scaredsilly]

OMG! i think your last paragraph is right! i never thought of it that way. luckily, his daughter no longer lives with us. and she did ignore the boundaries i set but if i went to her father, i was the villain. so she and i just had a horrible relationship the last year she was there. i was retired and she was always there. he father was out of town six months of the year.

i see the hard feelings between his daughter and i as the problem he can't deal with. i don't know how to fix it. i went to the daughter's house after the bomb and apologized to her for my actions (not my feelings but my reactions to them, however i didn't say that to her). i told her i could have reacted differently and that i was sorry.

it seems she and her father have been talking about it all and of course, he feels sorry for her and blames me. he's said that he, "pushed my children away for you".

i just don't know how to get to where he does not feel he has to make a choice? he asked me how i would act if them came to visit (when he as still living here). i told him i would treat them with love and respect. but i'm not getting the chance to prove that to him. he doesn't live here so i never see them together.

i've read a lot lately and i've come to believe he suffers from guilty daddy syndrome.

he says he loves me, "very, very much". i love him very much, too. but the kids (mainly daughter, sons are not a problem) between us.

i sent him a link to retrouvaille and asked him if it would be something he would consider. i said it's a place for "last resort" marriages and that it would be a lot cheaper than a divorce (he's very frugal). he said he would take a look at it.

do you think i should suggest a three-way meeting with his daughter, him, and i?

thank you for looking in on me. i value your opinion so much. i've read a lot of your posts and you seem so wise.