Stuck in Holding Pattern

[ben11]

ps

what about the letter from the WAW to her h? Any thoughts on it?

and what is your w SAYING she wants now, OR is she still conflicted, (as I suspect)?

There were a couple things I thought when reading the letter. One of them is where she talks about knowing that getting deeper with OM will make it harder to go back to H, to see him the same. It actually makes me kind of angry. It's so selfish to me, its saying I know I'm hurting you, I know this is ruining our chances, but I'm doing it anyway. Sorry (insincere)

The other thing is how long it can take to believe in change. Maybe I'm just kind of rushing this because I'm moving and just want a fresh start. A lot of my moving strategy changes depending on whether she's in my life long term. This includes size of home, location, rent, amenities, level of luxury, etc. I like making decisions and being sure of them, but right now I can't.

As for what W wants? No idea. Haven't spoke since last MC session, and even then there was no clear cut direction. She's conflicted. She's thinking 'Can H and I ever have what I need in a marriage?'. And you know, I'm thinking the very same thing. I'm scared about it too. But I'm willing to try figure it out.