why not write a letter that you post here first? We can offer to help or review it so you don't begin it with an apology BUT then add "BUT" so that you can justify yourself a few sentences later. It happens a lot.
It'd have to be done so YOU KNOW you said it to her, NOT b/c you expect something in return and you don't get to be hurt or angry if silence is the answer.
Frankly, the best case realistically, is that you'd plant a seed of doubt in her. [quote] I think this is probably a good idea. I've been already thinking about stuff to say so if I get something together I'll post here for input. I do agree that it needs to be written in a way where I have no expectations.
[quote] B/C I think when you say you "own your part" you MAYBE glossed or skimmed it b/c the examples you gave of you "trying" were admittedly short lived and
when she wasnt ready for sex, you withdrew the attention. To a woman that reeks of manipulation and insincerity.
What struck me the most is what she told the mc about HER parents.
Her mom stayed married to her dad, b/c her mom knew SHE was the most important person in her h's life. That's what your w wants from you -I strongly believe that. But you don't seem able to give it in any sustained way OR,
without conditions attached...(like a quick return on your "investment" = sex)
rather than the sheer joy of just GIVING LOVE to someone without an expectation of pay back attached. B/c then it's just a trade, it's not a gift of love.
Just some thoughts...
As mentioned before, during the last 6 months of our marriage, my 'trying' was sincere in the sense that I truly wanted my marriage to work, but I understand how it could be seen as both manipulative and insincere from her end. That's something I will probably include in the letter in some way.
I guess what I struggle with since finding this site and this approach is this: How do I show my W how important she is to me, without coming off as persuing? Maybe persuing is exactly what I need to do to some degree. She never once asked for space. Even when MC asked if I did that note on her window thing, she didn't say "It's too late for that", she just questioned who would've told me to do it (as you can tell, I've done very little for her in the romantic department).
Maybe what I'm asking for are some actual, real examples of ways I can show her she's special to me without seeming too persue-y, or smothering, AND in a way where I can manage my expectations (or lack thereof).
M:28 | W:28 | T:4.5 | M:2.5 | No Children EA1 Uncovered: Jun 2011 EA2 Uncovered: 2011-09-29 S: 2011-09-29 I'm moving on: 2012-05-08 My story: http://bit.ly/K3ttPM
