ok, that puts a more understandable spin on things...
He was always safe and comfortable before the "reveal"... so while you probably exploded... he'd already shown his "re-commitment" to you... in a way, manipulating (even unconsciously) the potential fallout and consequences...
You mentioned above that you needed to get a new copy of DB because you thought things were better and so got rid of the original one since you didn't think you'd need it...
Many of the vets who saved their Ms will tell you (and anyone in a healthy, long term M will say this)... the work never ends... we're never "out of the woods" until the M is done... however that might look...
That doesn't mean paranoid... it means keep working on the R... always striving to grow as a couple...
Also, you mention that your H didn't fix whatever caused him to have the As...
We say here that an A is a symptom, so I agree that you spoke of that... but generally speaking... the betrayed spouse is the cause...
Let me qualify that for you, though...
You indicate that you became the "good wife" because that is who you like to be, anyhow... how could you be the cause? But it works this way... you weren't meeting his needs... so he looked elsewhere...
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that perhaps the only need he was looking for was a new sexual position... he didn't know how to ask that of you, so he actually managed to find a new partner who provided him with a new sexual position... even though the only difference in the position, was the position of the bed...
Again, I'm going to be careful with my language because we promote DB here. But sometimes men are just looking for something different... a NEW challenge... and if he's not finding that in you, then as mentioned... he eventually gets "bored" and looks elsewhere...
That can't really be "changed" in a man... he can't "fix" that... or for all intents and purposes, he'd die inside...
I'm by no means trying to suggest your H is "right"... what he needed to fix is his ability to ask you for what he wanted. But if he asked, and you couldn't hear... because he did not know how to ask in a way that you would hear... or he did not feel heard... that is his fault... he should not be seeking elsewhere, or he should have chosen been gone the first time, IMHO...
So in DB parlance, that equates to communication and possibly 180s...
We do say here that the best we can do is to learn, grow, and become the best person we can be... to be a person that only a fool would leave... and if your H chooses to be that fool, then that is his loss...
What are some things that your H may have complained about, regarding you?
What are some things he's generally complemented you about?
What kind of GAL activities might you get involved in?
What type of 180s might you try?
As I mentioned above, perhaps he's just looking for "different"... If you can find something that's a little more different than "comfy house wife..." you know, perhaps seductress or dominatrix... it might interest him... that might be a 180 you could try...
