What is going on here... and what do I do?

[LIO]

Maybe 'lines' aren't the best description as I never verbalized the them as far as "You do this or this will happen." Which also means that there hasn't been any consequences for him. Just disappointment for me. Things like "I would like you to be home at night" or "Can we go out once a month" or "I feel like our schedules aren't working. Can we figure out something that does?" I guess they are requests. Each time he has ignored and denied my requests.

The affairs from years ago, I didn't know about until 2 years ago. It wasn't as if I took him back each time and said 'ok, we will work through this.' When I found out about them all at the same time via his confession 2 years ago, I did a complete 180 in my behavior - turning myself into a 'good wife'. It's not that I minded because I wanted to be a nice and kind wife, I just don't understand why he would have another affair (that I just found out above 3 days ago). The bottom line is that I trusted him because he said he would never do it again and he felt bad. So I believed him. Now looking back, it doesn't appear like he really put his heart into fixing whatever it was that caused him to do it. I don't know how to help him with that. I thought counseling would work through it, but he doesn't want to go atm. So if he doesn't want to work on it, what am I supposed to do? Keep going on this cycle?

I don't think I'm in the driver's seat at all. AND he's never crawled back or returned from anything. He's never had any consequences before. So if the divorce does happen - then okay. I don't want him crawling back. I want him to figure out what can make him happy in this relationship.