I also noticed I reverted to my self-defense pattern of withdrawal.
W said she was only doing what she always does and that I had already adjusted my schedule to go in later as it is. I thanked her for that but also let her know that I would appreciate her talking to me and involving me in the plans instead of just assuming.
Saw this on ces' thread and it struck a cord with me. I ALWAYS do this. Make a decision based on what I assume is H's schedule, point of view, whatever. I think this helped contribute to his not feeling needed and like he was a hindrance more than a help. I've been working at including him in more things that require a decision or leaving it up to him to make the decision.
As far as withdrawal, that's my normal MO. I've been fighting it since I started DBing. Whenver things get tough in life, I withdraw from pretty much everything. This didn't help my M either. When H and I would have a really bad argument I would withdraw and not talk or give any affection for DAYS. My H lives for affection and words of encourgagement. So not getting them basically hurt him to the core.
