i am really having trouble with the LRT. she will want to talk and sometimes do stuff as a family. she asks me what i think of the beds she is buying for the kids. i dont want to think about it. it gets me in a funk thinking about losing them. they love me. i am a great dad. my D comes out to the couch everymorning early and cuddles with me. my S does the same thing at night. they dont do this with my W. My D bday was on Saturday. she said a few times "i dont want mom to come". this hurts me also cuz she is a great mom, just not so much right now.
we havent had sex since 10/11. the thought of separation scares me so much. EA is one thing. i dont know if i would ever take he back if she is sleeping with someone. im worried what this is going to do to my kids. they deserve so much better.
GAL isnt going so well either. i work 50 hrs a week. i get the kids ready for school, drop them off, pick them up, take them to sports, cook supper, get them ready for bed, put them to bed. i also have my aa meetings that i am squeezing in twice a week. to be fair my W is a full time student and works full time. she hasnt been to class in a long time tho. she shuts hersef in the bedroom to do "homework" at night. i bring the kids in to say goodnite and she is txting doing no homework. she is lost and it hurts to see her like this. she isnt the girl i fell in love with. i have a big part to play in this. since she turned 30 stuff has been downhill. my dui just hurried up everything i think.
i am going to keep being the best dad i can be. my kids deserve it. this is all so hard. how do i put on a happy face when i feel like throwing up all the time?
