Wow, KD, I am honored that you would consider me a "vet." Thank you! I would like to add that the advice you give others is always thought-provoking and in line with MWD's DB/DR standards. Additionally, you refrain from telling folks here what they "must do," and you do not show judgment for the mistakes people have made. When you deliver 2x4s, it is done gently and with kindness, compassion and encouragement. You are definitely an asset to this community!
When I comment on other threads, I always let the DB'er know that I am NOT a professional (that's what the DB coaches are for!) and that I have done many, many wrong things in trying to save my marriage before I started doing the right things. In fact, much can be learned about what NOT to do from my threads! I do my best to support and encourage the people on this board and share my success story of my currently reconciling marriage with them. I truly had a seemingly hopeless situation, and now I am reconciling with my husband! I am not completely out of the woods yet, but my marriage is back on track and growing in an honest, open, giving and loving way I never believed was possible. I owe my success to MWD, her amazing books and this online community. I am also grateful for the grace of God, and my faith is a big part of my story (however, tolerance of all individuals and their beliefs is important to me, and I do not push my faith on others).
I also tell others that there is no guarantee that following the DB/DR standards will necessarily save their marriage; however, if they follow MWD's advice, they will save themselves and without a doubt, become a better person.
What worked for me was learning to truly detach and step off of the emotional roller coaster. This isn't easy and takes time to do so, but it is very, very important. I also put working on my marriage on hold (it wasn't something my husband had ANY interest in doing at that time anyway) and worked on me....establishing my own personal goals. I also started practicing generous giving of myself to others and showing gratitude for the wonderful people and blessings in my life. GAL is of course important as well as avoiding those cheeseless tunnels. TRUE FORGIVENESS is key! Also, I've learned how to establish and loving enforce boundaries as well as respect my husband's boundaries. There are so many, many other things I have learned here in addition to these.
Reading other's stories have brought great comfort to me as well as given me ideas about what I need to do. I don't believe 25 has ever commented on any of my threads, but reading her story as well as her advice on other threads has been very helpful to me. What an asset she is to this community! I am also grateful for the "virtual" friendships I have made in this community. I consider each one a blessing.
I do my best to support and encourage the people on this board and share my success story of my currently reconciling marriage with them. I truly had a seemingly hopeless situation, and now I am reconciling with my husband! I am not completely out of the woods yet, but my marriage is back on track and growing in an honest, open, giving and loving way I never believed was possible. I owe my success to MWD, her amazing books and this online community. I am also grateful for the grace of God, and my faith is a big part of my story (however, tolerance of all individuals and their beliefs is important to me, and I do not push my faith on others). 