Needing some guidance... 2

[jks]

All I have been doing is spending time with friends. I'm constantly trying to keep myself surrounded by people that support me. I'm trying to stay involved in my church as much as I can. Today I'm doing a photography workshop to gain inspiration and better my technique for my business. I've also applied for a job and am waiting to hear back this week.

I just can't escape the pain no matter how hard I try which makes me feel trapped in every way. I keep trying to tell myself that I am better than this. I am not the one that made these awful decisions and I held true to my marriage. But somehow I keep feeling like I'm being punished for having depression. When I was at my lowest, my H bailed instead of helping me through it.

I told him that I don't want to see or talk to him anymore. And I'm going to make that happen. When he drops off and picks up the kids, my mom comes to the door. I know I can only do this for so long but for now it helps me feel like he doesn't exist anymore. Its my only way to be able to cope.