All I have been doing is spending time with friends. I'm constantly trying to keep myself surrounded by people that support me. I'm trying to stay involved in my church as much as I can. Today I'm doing a photography workshop to gain inspiration and better my technique for my business. I've also applied for a job and am waiting to hear back this week.
I just can't escape the pain no matter how hard I try which makes me feel trapped in every way. I keep trying to tell myself that I am better than this. I am not the one that made these awful decisions and I held true to my marriage. But somehow I keep feeling like I'm being punished for having depression. When I was at my lowest, my H bailed instead of helping me through it.
I told him that I don't want to see or talk to him anymore. And I'm going to make that happen. When he drops off and picks up the kids, my mom comes to the door. I know I can only do this for so long but for now it helps me feel like he doesn't exist anymore. Its my only way to be able to cope.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I had a great time at the photography workshop I went to last weekend. There was actually a good looking male photographer there that I was finding myself very attracted to and it made me realize that there is life out there for me with someone else. It feels very empowering and I'm starting to feel alive again. I've been losing myself in this mess and I've felt very defeated for a long time now. No more. I am better than this.
I've continued to cut off all communication with H and will continue to do it for as long as I can. I've also continued to look for a job and for a place to live that I will love. Good things are ahead of me, I can feel it.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
H kept texting me (and called once) over the weekend asking me to have the kids call him. He hasn't had them since last Weds morning and won't have them until this Fri because of his work schedule. I ignored him until he started to get all huffy about it. I finally told him that I will have them call him but from now on he can't be doing this. I don't harass him while he has the kids and I told him he needs to respect my space. Talking with him makes me so angry and sad and then I take it out on my kids and I'm so sick of it. I had such a great weekend and then he ruins it all just by talking to me. Just by existing... it is ridiculous.
He told me that he's not trying to hurt me anymore and he will always feel horrible for the way things happened. But since we have kids we still have to communicate. And he may not be feeling what I'm feeling but he is also hurting.
The only thing he is hurting for is his kids. I have no sympathy for him. He will never have an inkling of how much he has hurt me. When he's hurting he just goes and has sex with OW and makes himself feel better. So pathetic. I'm not interested in listening to anything he has to say so I told him to leave me alone. All I want to hear from him is when and where he's going to pick up the kids.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I ignored him until he started to get all huffy about it. I finally told him that I will have them call him but from now on he can't be doing this.
My ex call the kids on my house phone. I never answer it, it's for the kids not me.
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Talking with him makes me so angry and sad and then I take it out on my kids and I'm so sick of it. I had such a great weekend and then he ruins it all just by talking to me. Just by existing... it is ridiculous.
Sorry this is happening to you. Why would you let someone like this effect your life? Are you saying he is responsible for YOUR feelings?
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He told me that he's not trying to hurt me anymore and he will always feel horrible for the way things happened. But since we have kids we still have to communicate. And he may not be feeling what I'm feeling but he is also hurting.
This is classic WAS BS.
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I have no sympathy for him. He will never have an inkling of how much he has hurt me. When he's hurting he just goes and has sex with OW and makes himself feel better. So pathetic
Yes this is sad. The way people cope with the devastation is remarkable. We as LBS are not responsible to "teach" them. They must learn on their own. They can't run away from reality.
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All I want to hear from him is when and where he's going to pick up the kids.
Correct. Communication about the kids is needed.
It sounds like you still have much anger towards him.
Letting go of negative feeling well help you. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I do have A LOT of anger towards him. I went from thinking we were going to be ok to finding out he was having a PA to him saying he wants me back to him saying nevermind I'm "in love" with OW and want a divorce. This all happened in a matter of weeks.
I cannot stand to listen to him talk to me about how much he is hurting and how this is affecting him. These were HIS choices, not mine. Like I said, the only way for me to feel better about the situation is to pretend he doesn't exist and to push him away as much as possible.
I don't know any other way to go about doing it. I'm sure as time goes on I will release the anger but all of this is too raw in my mind. Talking with an attorney about child support and custody was absolutely insane to me. And I told H how much the attorney said he would owe me for child support and alimony and he said, "does he know that I need to live too?"
I guess he should have thought about that. Not my problem anymore.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Sorry this is happening to you. Why would you let someone like this effect your life? Are you saying he is responsible for YOUR feelings?
I guess all I'm saying is that I am on a path of doing things for myself right now. My focus has been on me and my kids and I have been fine with that and honestly have been feeling good. But then when he continues to keep begging me to have the kids call him when it's "my time" with them it throws me off. I think for at least right now he needs to respect that my time is my time and his is his.
Obviously, there is no way that he can be responsible for my feelings but he cannot expect that I'm just going to be fine and happy with everything that he's done to me. It's like he's chosen to be with this OW but he misses his kids so he's trying to get the best of both worlds. I am not on board.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I don't know any other way to go about doing it. I'm sure as time goes on I will release the anger but all of this is too raw in my mind. Talking with an attorney about child support and custody was absolutely insane to me. And I told H how much the attorney said he would owe me for child support and alimony and he said, "does he know that I need to live too?"
I guess he should have thought about that. Not my problem anymore.
You're absolutely right.WAS rarely think about the consequences for their action. BTW, you should not be discussing those points with him. Let your L take care of the legal stuff.
My ex did the same thing, left, came back after a 15 months and then left again. I know where you're speaking from. Take care of yourself and kids first.
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My focus has been on me and my kids and I have been fine with that and honestly have been feeling good.
thumbs up.
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But then when he continues to keep begging me to have the kids call him when it's "my time" with them it throws me off. I think for at least right now he needs to respect that my time is my time and his is his.
can you tell me more about this sitch? For me when my WAW called the house, she only wanted to speak to the kids. I had my 4YO answer the phone. Of course she tried to say "mommy wants to tlak to you". She is quite the smart cookie. It time I learned to say to D4 that the call was her time to talk and Daddy will talk to mommy later.
Don't get invovled with him texting you to have the kids call him. Set your boundary once.
Removing yourself from is life may cause his reality to set in. Then again it may not. I'm going in 3 years, and it was until last month that my Ex admitted to a friend that life is not greener on the other side.
You should not be on board sharing your H with any one.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
