Have I come to peace with what has happened in my life? Some but not all! I was devastated for a long time. It took me almost a year to even feel good about myself again. What is different now? Instead of me not sleeping at night my ex is in the battle ground and can’t sleep. I remember those nights that my mind just raced and all the bad thoughts would just paralyze my mind. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
I will say that all of this has taken me by complete surprise. But to be honest the signs have been there for a few months. I don’t know why but looking back I should have seen this coming. Maybe I had blinders on just trying to protect myself. Maybe it’s the crust that protects our hearts, keep us from seeing things. I honestly think she has wanted me to start pursuing her and I haven’t.
I think she is seriously working to put her life back together and she is still battling plenty of issues. She knows she is the only one that can fix herself. I have plenty of empathy for her right now. I really wish I could help her but I know she is the one that has to do this for her. I truly seen signs of the woman I fell in love with and I miss that person. I know she is still lost and searching for herself and I wish there was something I could do to help her find her way. The good news is she knows she is the only one that can fix herself. Regardless of what happens between her and I she is heading in a direction that is better for our girls.
I have asked myself many questions over the last few days. I think if she continues to progress, she would be the woman I want in my life. I told her that I wouldn’t set myself up for failure. I told her that I will never settle for less than I deserve and I would expect the same out of my partner. I want to wake up every morning and thank God for blessing my life. I feel that is how all of us should live our lives. If my ex does show me through her actions that she is going to be that person that I want in my life, we will both do the work to start a new relationship. Until then I am going to continue working on the most important thing, me.
Milton Bradley uses false advertisement! I bought a puzzle the other day that said 8 to 10 years, I knocked it out in three nights! Maybe I really am a genius! Sometimes a little humor helps!
Something I have been thinking about: Just when you think you know, you really never know!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
