Accuray, I've been reading Pia Mellody again. More of the old tools I had dropped. It's interesting that you mention how doing things differently, even if in a healthier way, can feel less like what we think of as love.
That's one reason I have more hope for this R. Many aspects were healthier and the feelings were unfamiliar. It's disconcerting, but I embrace it. The down side is that P doesn't see it that way and seems more stuck in the disconcerting place.
I'm keeping busy with my GAL program, mainly focusing on exercising and eating right. Hoping for a bike ride today.
I'm trying to keep moving forward and making progress on dealing with my stuff. Today is garbage day, so that's one opportunity to make a dent. The theory is slow and steady progress, but the reality is that I work in spurts and do best with a deadline. I think it would be helpful if I pick a date (okay, May 3rd) as a deadline for the next phase of major visible progress. Which will be... Okay, rearrange the living room and set up a desk for myself.
Starting tomorrow, I'll be working for about 8 days in a row, on the road for part of that, so my posting will be minimal.
P is sending brief emails, maybe every other day, letting me know what she's up to, asking how I am and how the cats are. I respond cheerfully and genuinely and keep it short. Okay, could be shorter...
The hardest time for me was right before she left. The moment she drove away with the van full of her stuff, I had detachment. When she came back a few days later to switch vehicles, it took a couple hours, but there was plenty of warmth while the detachment stayed. It wore thin after a few days, but at least I knew what I was aiming for.
