golf mom, Whenever you speak a calm and controlled voice, he will listen. When we are all over the place, pointing fingers and trying to tell them that they are making mistakes, etc., they will spew and it's like backing them into a corner, i.e., they come out swinging. Now, you will need to keep your boundaries in place and continue as you have been. Do not back down or, just like a child, he'll walk all over you.
I'm glad you have a good accountant. However, the only thing that your h will listen to is if there is a benefit to his "cash" pocket about the refinancing of the home. However, keep your expectations at zero. Mlcers tend to say "we" often and it's not meant that they are thinking of reconciling. It's out of habit. Keep in mind, he could very well plan to refinance the home and keep it the loan/mortgage in both names and yet live separately. Some of them do this. A good friend of mine who use to post here is in this particular situation and there is no indication that her h has ever woken up and he's been on the Mother Ship for approximately 12 years. Yes, he's gotten friendlier and spends time w/her, but not indication of wanting to reconcile.
Golf mom, I want you to have hope and keep the door ajar, but also keep your expectations at zero. I don't want to see you set yourself up for more disappointment if he suddenly does something different.
You are a strong and independent lady and I know that, in time, you are going to be okay. Please do not doubt yourself...you are doing just fine and are exactly where you should be at this time. You are learning about yourself and what boundaries you need to put in place to gain respect. All I can say is "go, girl"!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
