The reason you can't find a rationale within yourself to trust your W, is because no matter what angle you look at it.. it's still broken.
I guess I was hoping that if she confessed to me on her own, it might restore some of my trust in her. But the more I think about it, I'm guessing that most of the second-guessing and mistrust I feel won't change if she tells me any details. There will need to be a time for that, but maybe not right now.
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I'm in the same boat - living with someone who has deceived me for a very long time, has confessed most of whatever she's done & has done very little if anything to regain my trust.
Until things change I won't trust my W and may never be able to trust her again (trust is earned and only YOU know if you trust someone- whoever they are).
I'm sorry to hear that, man--obviously I can relate. It's easy with these deep emotions for me to be terribly selfish here and not remember that plenty of other people are also grasping at straws of anguish.
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You are struggling with this & it's stopping you from moving forward at the moment.
It's a serious block for me. I'm doing my damnedest to let it go.
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Be honest with yourself & find out if this is a deal breaker for you & think about what you want from a relationship.
This is a really good point. If she was having an EA, it's not a deal breaker. If she had a 1-2 time PA, it's probably not a deal breaker. A longer PA I'd have to think about.
If there was more than one OM or if I find out she got pregnant last year from someone else, I don't think I could handle that one.
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If it's not a deal breaker, you've got to find a way to compartmentalize this issue & crack on with the rest of your 180's & self improvements.
Yeah, so I just realized that's exactly my internal conflict. I don't know the extent of the EA/PA, so I don't know if it is a deal breaker for me. That explains why I've been having a really hard time putting this on the shelf for now.
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In the same cr*ppy boat & know exactly how you feel.
Damn. Life is never fulfilling when you're living inside a soap opera like we all are.
This whole forum is such a help to me getting my head and heart straightened out. Bill--I gotta tell you how you in particular are helping me through this week...thanks.
(formerly crushd) Married 14 yrs M41/W43/D7/S4 M: MLC, major depression/W: WAW Bomb 2/26/12, 2 days before anniversary Detachment, Grown Apart, "I love you like the father of my children", EA/PA?
