How many children do you have and how old are they? Yes, you and your W have some very destructive behaviors going on here. You are an alcoholic and she is acting out as well. Seriously, bringing a guy into your home to disrespect you? Ugh! I think the first thing to do is address your addiction, which I see you are. Good job on that. A clear head will be needed to move forward. Be a good dad to your kids, no matter what their mom is doing. They need a stable role model, so stay strong for them. It kills me to think about the horror they must be witnessing, so turn that around and make them feel safe. They don't need to see both parents flying off the rails. Stop listening to, or defending yourself against her accusations. This is standard WAW spew, or "script." I never ceases to amaze me how far a WAS will go to justify their crappy behavior. Keep posting and don't get discouraged.
